Okay, so I didn’t get a chance to send out a message last week. I mean, let’s be honest, I forgot to even create a menu until after our 2pm drop last Friday! Between the race, prepping for our pop-up at McLean Little League and the rabbit hole of ADHD research……I have been very distracted!
Can we talk about ADHD for a minute?
Boeden obviously has Dyslexia and Verbal Apraxia, but he also has ADHD. I honestly never paid much attention to the ADHD diagnosis cause it seemed to pale in comparison to the other diagnosis. And all I really knew about ADHD was from Izzy…
When Izzy was in 3rd grade, she was diagnosed with moderate ADHD. I remember being shocked at the diagnosis, because she was not hyperactive at all. I learned that ADHD manifests very differently in girls vs. boys. Girls tend to hyperfixate. Aim for perfection. And when they don’t feel that they are achieving the high level of perfection they desire, it can severely affect their self esteem.
So when the psychologist slapped the ADHD sticker on Boe, I didn’t give it much thought. Perfection was not our issue….and learning to speak and read had to be our main focus! But Boeden is incredibly messy. And struggles with impulse control. And did I mention he is messy. SO.FREAKING.MESSY.
But the other day, we found a single ant in our kitchen. We pay a pest service and I have zero tolerance for any type of pest inside my house, so it was a CODE RED. Boeden said he knew where the ant entered from, and he could caulk the area and keep all future ants from getting inside. Not only did he do a great job caulking the kitchen, he cleaned up beautifully and left his tools in a perfect line, on a drop cloth. Tidy as can be.
It was the proverbial AH HA moment.
Boeden is truly the messiest human I have ever met. He leaves a trail of stuff everywhere he goes, His room looks like a bomb went off. He steps out of his shoes as he walks in the house and leaves them in the middle of the foyer. And for years I have let it slide way more than I would with my other kids, but I figured he was working on so many things, like learning to speak.
But this week I came across Michael McLeod. He wrote how an ADHD brain is highly stimulated by negative emotions and chaos. Does that mean me yelling “Boeden, your room is a mess” might actually soothe him?!? Kids with ADHD will do anything to feel control- and many of them get addicted to their screens since they can control what they see and do on their devices! If Boeden has any down time, his first request is to go on his ipad.! And ADHD kids are masters at getting the focus directed at them. Our older 3 get so frustrated at dinner, since Boeden interrupts every single story they try to tell! But the key to helping these kids be their best self is to have structure. And clear boundaries. And consequences.
I cannot tell you how many times a teacher has told us how wonderful Boeden is. And every time I say, “Wait, Boeden SCHONE?” At home, he is NOT wonderful. He is messy. And demanding. And very inflexible. But it all makes sense now. Boeden’s school is very structured. Our house is very unstructured….And when I let our regular structured chores and responsibilities slide, I actually make matters worse.
ANYWAY, all of this to say I have spent the better part of this week getting educated on BOY ADHD….and I have already put so many new “rules” in place, and I swear I have seen an improvement. I used to make Boeden’s bed, just in an effort to keep him moving in the morning in hopes of not missing the bus! Today, he not only made his bed, but he made MY bed!!
So despite him being my 4th kid, I am still learning how to be his mom!!
And speaking of learning to be a mom, next week’s menu is in honor of my dear friend Taylor. Many of you have had Taylor’s Custom Cookies- perhaps the prettiest and best tasting cookies I have ever had. Next week is Taylor’s birthday- and her first baby is due in the next little while…and I know she will be a great mama right off the bat! So I will be baking all of her favorite things for her- and for all of you!! Next week’s menu will be available on our site at 2pm today!
Xo,
Heather
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